4. You need to put the energy back into romancing him.
Romance rut: In the beginning, you made him laugh with your witty stories, stretched to impress him with your wacky sense of humor, and always tried to, look smoking’ on a Saturday night. But now, he’s heard your life story, and you rarely dress to dazzle just him. Once you have someone, it’s easy to slack. But when either you or your man stops making the effort to impress, your apathetic attitudes can create closeness gap the size of two cliffs apart.
Relationship remedy: It’s those little things–encouraging him to share the most mundane details of his day, showing up at his door with his favorite Chinese takeout that will keep the love flowing between you. “When you start putting the energy back into romancing him, he’ll do the same for you,” says Yvonne, a 26-year-old copywriter. She found that the smallest gesture could spark a back-and-forth lovefest. “When I felt our relationship somewhat going on a slump, I put together a tape of all his favorite songs, some of them not very easy to find. He was delighted and the next night he showed up at my house with a copy of my favorite author’s latest bestseller. We still try to outdo each other.”
5. There comes a time when you need to sit down and seriously discuss where your relationship is heading.
Romance rut: Maybe you’ve been dating two years but haven’t mentioned the M (M stands for marriage) word even once. Often, women are afraid to push for more because they fear losing him. But when you aren’t getting more intimately committed, you’re stuck spinning your wheels. If you don’t have a future with him, you need to know now or risk missing out on something better.
Relationship remedy: If you’re afraid of discussing the future, ask yourself why. Whatever the reason, tell your partner your fears. Say “I’m freaked out about the idea of our moving in together because I’m afraid of not having my own space. Do you ever feel that way?” No matter the outcome, an honest discussion is an intimacy intensifier.
If he’s the one holding back, you need to come clean. Maybe you’re afraid of scaring him off. But if you continue to swallow your emotions, you’ll become resentful. Before you sit him down, decide what you want and what you’re willing to risk to get it. For instance, if you’re eager to get engaged and he’s not, you can either, walk, wait it out, or decide to stay and revisit the topic six months later. Whatever you choose, you’re better off knowing where you stand than existing in a relationship in no-man’s-land.
Twenty-eight-year-old Janice, a computer programmer, was straight with her guy. “I told him I was ready to think about marriage and asked him if he had thought about our future,” she recalls. “He said he knew he wanted to spend his life with me but hadn’t known how to tell me without popping the question. He said he hoped to get engaged in the next year. I was ecstatic to find out we were on the same thought wave.”