2. You need to be “adventurous” once in a while.
Romance rut: Most nights, you just find yourselves glued to the tube if not off early to sleep. And if you go out on a Friday night, it’s always only to the movies and a quick stop at your favorite burger chain.
You never see your friends anymore. How come? Well, it could be from laziness, if not sheer exhaustion. It’s obviously a lot easier to just go to a place you know you already like than to try something new. Trouble is, when you stop experiencing new things, the relationship suffers because you also stop learning about yourselves and about each other.
Relationship remedy: Escape date drudgery by taking “adventures” together. Doing things out of your normal range of experience expands your interests and knowledge. Sign up for a class together–art, yoga, cooking, or other what-have-yous. Learn things you’ve always wanted to try but kept putting off, like Aikido, ballroom dancing, scuba-diving, etc. Visit new places and start hanging out with friends.
When Debra, 25, a bank teller, first started dating her boyfriend Ernest, they’d go out with her girlfriends. But they were one of those annoying couples who easily get tired and go home right after dinner. “But one night, Ernie and I pushed ourselves to keep up with them, drinking, dancing and just having a blast until three a.m. We never knew till then how much fun we could have together.” Besides boosting your social life, seeing your friends keeps your relationship fresh. Being social exposes you to new thoughts, trends, and experiences and will invigorate your relationship by giving you more things to discuss, to try as a couple, and to look forward to doing again.
3. In bed, you need to find ways to use your senses differently.
Romance Rut: When you first hooked up, you were denting your headboard almost on a daily basis and loving every minute of it. But now you’re down to just once-weekly sack sessions that are yawn-worthy. It’s natural for the sex to slack a bit, but if you feel like your libido is lost in space or you never deviate from your step-one, step-two routine, it’s time to take action.
Relationship remedy: One way to re-ignite dwindling desire is to think back to the days when he set you on fire, remember the things that were sexually intoxicating for you at the beginning of the relationship, and pay attention to them again: how his back muscles flex when he does his push-ups in the morning, the sweet way he sleeps with one hand tucked under his head–whatever drove you mad with lust then, make a point of noticing it now.
Subtle changes will also get your love motors running again. Even the smallest shift in your environment will allow you to use your senses differently. So make love with a colored light bulb illuminating your bed action, blindfold your man during foreplay, or aim to recreate your favorite movie love scene. Or try some physical fine-tuning.
Irene, a 24-year-old professional dancer, surprised her guy with sheer pleasure. “I decided to go totally bare down there. I told my fiancé I had something to show him and when I did; he was shocked, intrigued, fascinated, and totally turned on. That was a new sensation for both of us and it gave us a major sex jump-start.”
Read part 3 of this article, Part III
If you missed part 1 of this article read it here: Part I