Accept that you are never going to understand us. Men, you are not going to get a guide to take you by the hand and lead you through that shark infested waters of relationship communication. Women, you need to stop playing games and expecting him to read your mind. I am going to be brutally honest here. Both you guys and us women are going to get the truth. So, if you are ready for some help, I can get you started, but then you are all on your own.
Because I am a woman, I am going to start with the boys. You guys have got to stop saying dumb stuff. Does her butt look big? Sure, it does. But under no circumstances should you ever say that. There is no good answer. The best advice is to avoid directly answering it. Say something about how she looks good in everything, so why would she think those pants could change that?
If you want to be in a relationship, you are going to actually have to speak. Yes, she wants to discuss everything to death. She can go on and on about who cheated and the great shoe sale. You need to at least pretend you are listening. Don’t look at the television and every few sentences pay enough attention that you can respond appropriately. One more thing I have got to tell you before moving on: Please stop rolling your eyes and looking at your watch while we change our outfit for the fifteenth time before going out. It never helps. You are going to fight all the way to dinner in the car and then get rude looks all evening. One thing you should know, but we have kept to ourselves is this: when we are meeting friends for dinner, the girl in that couple is going to make them late, too. Relax, this is what we do. I promise.
Okay, girls, get ready for your lecture. Please stop picking at a guy that you think will be perfect once you change him. You’re not going to make any changes. Unless it is your infant son, you have no chance of altering this guy’s way of thinking. Choose a guy you like now for who he is now, not later. Never, I repeat never, ask him if that girl over there looks hotter than you. How in the world is he supposed to answer this? Also, yes, you could stand to lose a couple of pounds, but don’t ask him about it. Buy a scale. They are cheap and if the numbers make you mad, you can just throw it away. One last tip: quit thinking men can read your mind. They can’t. Be honest, half of the time, we don’t even know what is going on up there. Why do we think they should?
So, both of us have our issues, but we still keep trying to work it out. Be kind and respectful of each other. Don’t say hurtful things. Don’t ask no-win situation questions. Stop parenting each other and be partners. Be a complete individual before finding a companion. We don’t need to complete each other. We need to match.