Married men come in a number of different guises. There is the man who will lie about being married in order to cheat on his wife, or who doesn’t bother to conceal the fact that he is already married but wants to keep your relationship hidden, and the man who is already separated from his wife and may be considering getting a divorce. Then there is the man who is in an open marriage, whose wife accepts that he will have other relationships, and the man who believes men cannot be monogamous.
Whether you should agree to a relationship with any of these men will depend to a large extent on your own personality, and particularly on your ideas about marriage. If you view it as a sacred bond that should never be broken, or dream of one day being in a loving and monogamous marriage yourself, then there is probably no need for you to be reading this. You may be tempted to enter into a relationship with a married man, but you will feel it is wrong and if he is going to stay married then your relationship is probably not going to last.
If your ideas about marriage are a little bit more flexible, however, then you may not see the marriage itself as much of an obstacle. If you have never dreamed of having your own wedding and your own husband then you are not going to miss out because your lover is already married. Even if you see marriage as no different than any other relationship, you should still approach with the same caution that you would a man in any sort of relationship- and you should consider the feelings of all three people that will be involved in such a relationship. Someone could easily get hurt, even if all parties are fully and completely honest with each other there could still be some serious jealousy. If you know his wife then this may complicate things- particularly if she doesn’t know about what is going on. It is never going to be a good idea to start an affair with the husband of someone you are close to, as you risk losing both relationships if she finds out.
You should also consider what you want to get out of a relationship. If you are looking for a long term commitment then you may not want to begin a relationship with someone who already has a major commitment in their lives- they may not be looking for another one. If you would be ashamed or annoyed by having to keep your relationship secret, then you should probably avoid starting a secret affair. If you tend to get jealous when your boyfriend shows interest in another woman then you are unlikely to enjoy sending him home to his wife. If you desire loyalty in a lover then you may want to think twice about dating someone who has shown themselves willing to have multiple relationships at the same time.
There are also some practical issues to think about. For instance, how will his schedule work? Is he going to be able to meet you at short notice, or will you have to arrange your dates well in advance? If you are keeping your relationship secret will you be able to go out in public together, and how will you keep it quiet? What happen if somebody gets pregnant, or if there are already children in the picture?
As with any relationship it is a good idea to find out if both you and your lover are looking for the same thing from your relationship. If he is married you should also consider the situation with respect to his wife, and how comfortable you feel in the sort of relationship the three of you will have.