The problem with giving a man everything in the beginning of a relationship is that he doesn’t have anything to work for, to achieve. That doesn’t mean that you can’t go out with a man, make love with him, or move in with him– but there must be something that is saved, something more he’ll get if he marries you or makes a commitment to you. Otherwise, what’s his motivation? There’s no challenge.
Dole out Your Love Goodies like Treasures
Never let your guard down. Even when you start a relationship on the right foot and love is in the air, that doesn’t mean its okay to let yourself tumble head over heels. Just look at Beth and Tony. They fell in love instantly, and became inseparable after one date. He brought her flowers every night. She put little love notes in his pocket every morning. Everything was roses and romance until one day…Beth forgot to note. Tony was crushed, so crushed, in fact, that he didn’t buy her flowers. Then Beth was crushed, too.
If Tony had not brought Beth so many bouquets, she would have been thrilled with a single rose on the fifth date. And if Beth hadn’t left so many notes, the days that Tony did find one in his pocket he would have been beaming. Save your love goodies and dole them out like the treasures they are. You’ll get a lot more in return. He’ll think your “I love you” is more special because it’s harder to get.
Another way women often give too much is by telling too much about themselves right away. On a first date no man wants to hear about how your parents mistreated you. He probably doesn’t want to know on the third or fourth date, either. Nor does he need to hear how lousy your last relationship was. He’ll think you’re a victim and be tempted to make you his victim, too.
The best policy is to reveal only positive, stimulating things about yourself at first. When you talk to a man, do it with a purpose. If you want to get close don’t just babble about yourself, chat about things, of mutual interest: friends, fitness, travel, and, of course– him.
Are You An Over-giver?
How will you know if you’ve given too much too soon? When you feel uncomfortable with what you’re getting back. If you have given and given to a man, you will expect a lot in return. When you don’t get it, you’ll begin to feel angry and deprived. You’ll cry for no reason and be anxious all the time about whether he’s going to call. You’ll worry constantly about other women. These are all signs that you have given too much too soon. Your man is not responding and you feel it.
Once you’ve messed-up a relationship it can be difficult to get it right again. But when it happens, if you accidentally slip and say, “I love you,” too soon or blurt out, “Are we going out Saturday night?” by mistake, then you will have to pull away if you want to keep the man.
Take a trip with a girlfriend. Go somewhere exotic for two weeks. Send him only one postcard. Or throw yourself into your work for about a month. It won’t hurt. You must give him a chance to miss you or to long for you again. Men don’t fall in love with women without first creating fantasies about them. If you’re there all the time, he won’t be able to fantasize because he’ll be distracted by reality.
Notice Which Men Keep Coming Back…
Men you’ve treated with indifference keep coming back again and again. Why? Often it’s because you haven’t shown that you’re crazy with desire. Instead, you’re nice once in a while, you give very little encouragement. And they’ll call you constantly.
It takes self-control to keep from throwing yourself at Mr. Right when you finally spot him. But don’t do it. You’ll just scare him away.
If you frequently feel tempted to do the wrong thing, use the buddy system. Call an understanding friend when you feel tempted to blow it with one phone call or winsome gift too many.
Breaking old habits isn’t easy, but when they’re bad love habits, breaking them is worthwhile. If you’ve had trouble with relationships, learning not to give too much too soon can mean the difference between success and failure.