If you’re a good friend who wants to do your single friend a favor by finding her a partner, consider this first…
Sam, Heidi and Karen have been friends since their college days. Heidi was the first to get married. Next came Karen. When Sam was left as the only bachelorette in the group, Heidi and Karen were more than willing to help her find Mr. Right. Sam appreciated her friends’ efforts but most of the time though, the guys her friends fixed for her turned out to be disasters!
After a couple of blind dates, Sam finally had a heart-to-heart talk with her friends. “I appreciate what you’re doing for me, but you’ll do me a favor by just letting me be!” Her friends got her message. From then on, they were no longer bothered that Sam was still unattached. From then on, the three friends had more fun getting together. Sam felt less pressured to find a mate while Heidi and Karen felt less obliged to find their friend a partner.
If you are like Heidi and Karen and you want to do your single friend a favor by finding her a partner, consider the following:
Your Mr. Right Might Be Her Mr. Wrong
Just because you’re friends does not mean that you have the same taste in men. A guy you find as ideal-mate material may bore your friend and vice versa. Just because you have a near perfect husband does not mean that a guy who’s your husband’s clone will be right for your friend. If you want to set your friend with someone, ask her exactly what she wants in a guy. Use her criteria and not yours when considering a prospect.
Opposites Don’t Always Attract
Some friends think of finding a guy who’s the exact opposite of their friend–based on the premise that “opposite poles attract.” Remember that that is not always so. Find one who’s at least half compatible with your friend so that they won’t end up boring each other to death!
Never Match Your Friend with Total Strangers
Sometimes, in our excitement to “be of help” to our friend, we match her with just about any guy who comes along. You and your husband (or steady dates) attend a social gathering and you see this really gorgeous man. Right away you think of your single friend. “They will look wonderful together,” you say to yourself. Then, the dear friend that you are, you go to work right away, to set up your friend with the “wonderful” guy. But the guy’s a total stranger, how can you say that he will be wonderful for your friend? The next time around, consider a distant relative of a friend, an office-mate, your husband’s friends, and the cousin of a neighbor’s sister’s cousin’s brother… whoever! The point is, get somebody who at least knows somebody you know and not a perfect stranger! That way, you will be able to check on your prospect’s background. You’ll know right from the start whether there is a teeny-weeny strand of hope that they may be compatible.
Being Single Is Not Being Doomed!
Just because you are married does not mean that your friends have to get married too. Just because your friend has just separated from her husband or broken off with her boyfriend does not mean that she is miserable. You don’t have to feel pressured to find her a partner, neither should you pressure her to enter into a relationship or at least start dating just because you are happily married or are seriously seeing somebody. Before you fix up your friend with a guy, ask her first if she wants you to find her a date. She may be enjoying her single blessedness after all.
Don’t Follow Up Anymore
So your friend gives you a “go” signal to find a date for her. And you do. After you’ve found her prospect and set up a date for them, then rest your case. You don’t have to follow up every so often. Stop pestering your friend with, “So how did it go?” or “Has he kissed you yet?” or “But he’s a really nice guy!” That way, you don’t influence your friend’s moves and decisions. Let her decide for herself. Let her be!